The Time I Soaked My Feet in Listerine

Remember season four of Sex and the City when Aidan moved in with Carrie and she lamented the loss of her "secret single behavior?" Carrie liked eating stacks of Saltines with grape jelly while standing and reading fashion magazines in her kitchen. Miranda enjoyed putting Vaseline on her hands and wearing Borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials. Both women defined their "SSB's" as something they'd be embarrassed for their significant other to witness. For me, my SSB is almost anything I see on Pinterest and think is worth trying out.

So while Mr. Cush was out of town a few weeks ago and I had the house to myself, I tried out a few pins that promised to exfoliate my face (aspirin mask - it works), make my hair shine like Angelina's (coconut oil conditioner - it works) and cure summer feet. That's how I ended up sitting on the couch watching Friends reruns on Nick at Nite while soaking my feet in a mixture of Listerine/white vinegar/hot water.

Pictorial evidence of the feet soaking. In hindsight, I'm probably just as disturbed by this incident as you are reading about it.

The various pinners said to mix three parts hot water with one part Listerine and one part white vinegar. That part was easy and self explanatory. The pinners also differed in soaking times, suggesting anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Since my feet wouldn't both fit in the pot I was using, I soaked for about 40 minutes while altering the positioning of my heels/balls of my feet.

People - learn from me and don't ever try this. It's just a really bad idea. My feet turned a pale shade of blue (for almost TWO days) and Riley (my puppy) chased me around like I had ribeyes strapped to my Achilles. And after enduring all of this, MY FEET WERE NOT ANY SOFTER THAN BEFORE!!!

Questions you might have for me after reading this ...

Q) Did you throw away the pot?

A) Is pink my favorite color? Hell yes. There isn't enough Cascade in the world to wash away the grossness of soaking my feet in a pan that might someday be used to cook my food.

Q) Did you really think this would work?

A) I honestly did, mostly from the amount of repins and knockoff pins on the subject. I visited a few blogs and it seemed to make a difference for some folks.

Q) How did you get the blue off your feet?

A) Lots of scrubbing and time. It was like a hangover - just had to wait it out (and cover up with socks).

Q) Aren't you embarrassed that Mr. Cush is going to find out your SSB?

A) We've been together a decade. He'd probably be shocked if he found this online and thought I hadn't already tried it. (And he "cheese grates" his feet in my presence ... there's not much left to discover about each other after 10 years.)

If you have suggestions for pins you've successfully tested and recommend, please leave them in the comments (hopefully none of them involve direct Listerine to skin contact) ...