(Also, I should tell you right now that Mr. Cush and I have been at the pool for a few hours tonight and this entire recap is being written under the influence of the "Perfect Pink Pool Concoction.")
"Greece is the Word"
Note to self: B & C (my sisters) have yet again ruined my life. If either of them would've shot to meteoric fame via a sex tape, I could've been on a yacht in Greece this summer for vacation. Damn them. They've been collectively screwing up my life since 1985.
8:01 - Scott is surprising his baby mama, Kourtney, for her birthday with a family dinner. My cat could've done the same. I'm gonna need a better storyline if I'm going to play-by-play this entire hour for everyone.
8:02 - Ping pong is back. I'm sick of ping pong. I'm watching this because it's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, not China's Government Propaganda.
8:03 - Kim announces she is retiring heels due to pregnancy, but she "doesn't feel uncomfortable yet." Oh, God … Kim and Kourtney are talking about their nether regions … I just turned beet red thinking about the same conversation with one of my sisters.
8:04 - Kris announces the family is going to Greece on a presumably free family vacation. Not surprising is that everyone agrees and they break into chants of 'toga, toga, toga.' I'm having flashbacks to my sorority days.
8:05 - Rob receives word about the family vacation and shares it with Brody. Brody is jealous that he didn't receive the same Evite. For a guy that dated Lauren Conrad, he has some real issues.
8:06 - Rob isn't going on the family vacay unless Brody goes. Bromance between the stepbrothers is in full effect.
8:08 - Kris says Brody always flakes out on invites (presumably to everywhere else but Greece?). Bruce and Kris are fighting in Kris' walk-in closet that's the size of my house. "Greece is the perfect place to talk to him," Bruce says. Guess what, Kris? Greece is also the perfect place to talk to ME.
8:09 - No. Kourtney and Kim should NOT be talking to each other about being, um, 'frisky,' during pregnancy. This is not normal.
8:10 - Kim is bemoaning her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries. (Note to self: NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WITH THE SAME NAME AS YOUR MOTHER!!!!)
8:12 - Scott proposes dinner to Kourtney for her birthday. I feel like she should see through this, but she seems to be playing dumb unintentionally.
8:14 - Kim is showing some belly through a sheer camisole. She obviously thinks she's Nicole Richie.
8:15 - Ugh. More divorce talk. Kim is both celebrating and lamenting the demise of her marriage. Just end it, please. We're all sick of hearing about it at this point. It was obviously a made-for-television special.
8:16 - Bruce is cleaning up the family pool area. Kris announces she found a flight for Bruce's son, Brody, but he has to go to Greece before everyone else. Yeah … no favorites …
8:17 - Stupid divorce drama between Kim and Kris H. I don't even want to acknowledge this storyline.
8:21 - There's a large elephant statue in Khloe's home that Kris is admiring. I'm not of the right state of mind to understand why.
8:23 - Divorce drama. Not acknowledging it.
8:24 - Kim's officially divorced from Kris Humphries. Please, God … tell me this is never coming up again.
8:25 - We're at Kourtney's surprise birthday party. Kim announces she's officially divorced from Kris H. I'm uncertain regarding the reason for the celebrations …
8:26 - Kourtney and Scott are still at their home. I'm not sure about you, but if I was a guest at this 'surprise party,' I'd be past the point of annoyed right now.
8:27 - Pretttttttttty sure Kendall Jenner just took a shot of something. She's not 21.
8:28 - Everyone is complaining that Kourtney and Scott are late to the surprise birthday party at Nobu. If this doesn't have "Bishop Family Party" written all over it, I don't know what does.
8:30 - Oh, good. Kourtney finally shows up to her surprise party and fakes shock. I'm trying to eat dinner … I'm unclear again as to what's going on right now.
8:33 - Everyone starts packing for Mykonos. Finally. That only took 33 minutes.
8:34 - Everyone's in London doing some duty free shopping between flights and Kris mentions something about not wearing underwear. I'm so grossed out … that piece of frozen pizza is coming back up.
8:35 - Kris finds out Rob's 'sock line' is 'booming' and he can't join his family in Greece.
8:39 - Rob is having a heart-to-heart with his brother-in-law, Lamar - he evidently skipped going to Greece because he is ashamed of the weight he has gained. Dude - buy a self-help book and get over it like everyone else in America.
8:40 - Newfound appreciation for Lamar Odom and his truthfulness with Rob … he is the Mr. Cush to my Baby Brother.
8:41 - The Kardashian/Jenner family has arrived in Greece. Again, I'm experiencing major resentment for my sisters and their lack of sex tape productions.
8:43 - "This is like a dream house. I'm so lucky to be here." B & C, we're going to have words at Christmas. This should have been us!!!
8:44 - Something about Kris never really inviting Brody on the trip, yet he's already there? I should've paid more attention while inhaling my half of the frozen pizza.
8:45 - Brandon and Brody, Bruce's sons, are evaluating Bruce's relationship with Kris. They don't seem pleased with what they know.
8:49 - Womp, womp. The ocean water in Greece is 'too cold' and the Jenners are complaining about it. Pssssshhhh - they shouldn't even be there in the first place.
8:50 - Brody is upset that Rob has not come to Greece. "Rob definitely gave his word, and he's not here." Does anyone have a tiny violin we can loan Brody?
8:51 - Khloe is excited that the mayor of Mykonos is onsite to greet the Kardashians upon arrival. At least she has some social skills. My faith in this family is not yet completely lost.
8:52 - Khloe and Brody are mocking Rob for not joining the family in Greece. Seriously, this is the easiest situation ever to handle … all you need to do is ship the kid a self help book from Amazon.com.
8:53 - Brody is whining about not being properly invited by Kris to join the family vacation. You know what, Brody? It's not Kris' fault your last name isn't Kardashian. This isn't 1970-something … the Jenner name ain't what it used to be. Your brother is obviously at fault for not creating a sex tape that promoted the Jenner name.
8:57 - Khloe is afraid of both whales and belly buttons. Seems like rational fears, I suppose.
8:58 - Hmmmmmmm, the source of contention between Kris and Brody is suddenly figured out … he hasn't been receiving her texts and phone calls. Perhaps she has the wrong cell number for him? I would've guessed this could have been figured out back in LA at some point, but like Bruce said 50 minutes ago, "Greece is the perfect place to talk ..."
8:59 - Kris is concerned about the rest of her vacation while Brody is present. We need a new word for awkward.
Preview for next week's 'To be continued' episode - the Kris and Brody saga appears to continue. Great. If I cared about Brody Jenner, I'd be watching a marathon of The Hills instead of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
No comments:
Post a Comment