The Curious Case of the Craigslist Puppy

(This blog post is a joint effort between Mr. Cush and myself … he’s a crucial part of Riley’s story, and it’d be regrettable if he couldn’t tell his side. Everything in black font is mine … anything in blue is his [and his edits are in strikethrough].)

In April 2012, Mr. Cush and I found ourselves in the market for a dog. Our beloved labradoodle, Maggie Doodle, had passed away following surgery to remove a blockage. (The Doodle always had a penchant for socks and undergarments.) When we found out that Maggie wouldn't be returning home and Mr. Cush started walking around the house picking up the toys that she would never play with again, I broke down into tears and told him to stop … those toys needed to be left out for a new dog to enjoy.

That's how we ended up on Craigslist on the evening of Good Friday. We decided that we were too busy for a brand new puppy (ain't nobody got time to potty train again), and it would be best if we could rescue a pet that was maybe already a year old, spayed and house trained.

So we had a wish list in mind as we scoured Craigslist and various adoption and rescue sites in the Austin area … female (Mr. Cush has a thing for female pooches) (I just prefer to not have to see/deal with a male dog’s man parts - mostly his 'lipstick'), around a year old, medium-sized, plays well with cats (we have two of them, too). We stumbled upon an ad that matched our wish list … we pretty much fell in love with Riley (Jasmine, as she was known to the rescue group) based on her description and picture. eHarmony.com couldn't have made a better connection if they tried.

Riley, the Craigslist puppy. We think she's part Basenji (what the hell is that? click here), maybe part chow and lab, and probably a lot dingo ... so keep your babies away from her.

I texted the number of the foster family she was staying with and we made an appointment to come by and meet her the next evening when Mr. Cush got off work. Side note - at some point Saturday while I was waiting for the hours to pass by to meet Riley, I Googled the number I had been texting. I discovered that it was a San Diego area code, and it dawned on me that my hairstylist fostered dogs for a rescue group AND was originally from San Diego … how serendipitous that her and I had connected through Craigslist???

Mr. Cush picked me up on his way home and we headed to the home of my hairstylist/dog fosterer. I could not have been more excited … I truly thought there was a moment or two where Mr. Cush was going to pull over the car and give me a tranquilizer. I carried that same excitement into my meeting with Riley, and as I reached out to pet the puppy for the first time, she snarled, backed away and peed in a corner.  I was pretty disappointed at first because of that.  I was still in deep sorrow from the loss of Maggie and I really wanted Riley to be a happy and playful pup, filling in the void that Maggie had left.

That's when we realized we had fallen in love with just met a special needs puppy.

We joined the puppy fosterers on a ride to a local dog play park and spent some time with Riley in her comfort zone of other puppies and a home she was familiar with. After a few hours, Mr. Cush decided we should take her home for a night and see how things progressed. She willingly jumped in our car, and we were a happy family of three for the 20-minute drive home. It's when we got into our driveway that the real problems began …

Mr. Cush and I spent about 30 minutes trying to coax the growling fur beast out of his backseat … she snarled and growled at us, and we couldn't even get close enough to grab her collar and try to gently nudge her out. I think she eventually grew tired of the heat in the car and she jumped out on her own and made a run inside our house for cool air … where she immediately backed herself into a corner of our kitchen. We sat on the floor and held food in our hands, hoping she would stop growling, maybe approach us and give us a few good sniffs. In her eyes, we were simply evil demons with bacon, which is contradictory because the possession of bacon makes one an angel.

After an hour of this, I gave up and went upstairs to our bedroom, resigning myself to the fact that this simply wasn't going to work out. Just as I fired up my computer to start looking for a new puppy, Mr. Cush and Riley came bounding up the stairs together, and Riley jumped up on the bed next to me. Apparently Mr. Cush had discovered her 'magic leash' (we used our own retractable leash when we left the foster home, but they gave us her leash also) … as soon as he reached for it off the kitchen counter to put it away in our dog toy basket, Riley warmed up to him and became a different dog. It must have sparked some memories of her last family, and it was like an instant transformation with her.

From what we were told, Riley was rescued out of the foster group when she was about eight weeks old. She went home with what should've been her forever family - a family with two or three children - but after a few months they returned her to the rescue organization because she was scaring the kids' friends when they would come over. She's an overly protective canine, apparently. (Some people speculate she was abused at some point in her life, but I've never bought that theory - she doesn't display typical symptoms of past abuse.) (She shows no signs of flinching when playing with her or petting her and no marks/scars).

For the first week, it was like the movie 50 First Dates with Riley. Every morning when we'd wake up, she'd growl at first, and then realize who we were. “GRRRRrrrrrr, oh it’s just you guys.  I guess you may remain on my king-size bed with me.”

She still has some major issues … not a single trip to the park goes by where she doesn't growl at the neighbors. (Not really true. I’ve walked her many times without a growl). Not a single visit to the vet goes by where she doesn't have to wear the Hannibal Lecter muzzle because she's scaring away the vet techs (She didn’t wear a muzzle last time because I discovered that if only one vet/tech is in the room, Riley is totally fine). Not a single visitor can come to our home where she doesn't growl at them for the duration of their visit. (FWIW, she has never once bit or attacked a person, she chooses instead to growl and appear intimidating.) For whatever reason, I'm ok with all of this because as I get older, I, too, have trust issues with most new people I meet. I can relate.

After a year and a half with her, we're a happy little family. She's an amazing, loyal dog with an adorable, lazy left ear that is constantly folded halfway down, and without a doubt she's my bestest (beastest?) friend in the world (sorry, Mr. Cush). I couldn't ask for a better dog that is constantly by my side when I'm home.  I feel like not enough of Riley’s positive traits were addressed.  She has not chewed/destroyed anything that was not a rawhide bone, she barks only once in a blue moon, and she loves to cuddle, even if there is no room for her where you are sitting.

That's how this furry beast with trust issues ended up in Casa de Cushman. She's a member of the family, for better or worse. And I wouldn't change anything about her for anything in the world.  

Pool Closed. Poop in Pool.

"Sh*t happens."

I was approximately the tender age of two-years-old when Ol' Rodney (<- my father) first used that expression in my presence. Forrest Gump said the same thing on the silver screen about a decade later. Ol' Rodney and Forrest were both trying to prepare me for such unfortunate events involving the subject matter, but ever the eternal optimist, I refused to believe either of them until this past weekend.

That's when Mr. Cush and I headed to the neighborhood pool and were greeted by this sign (you may have already seen it on Twitter) …

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I'm truly not that original.

After 15 minutes of lathering up with the necessary sunscreen for the Texas sun and mixing a batch of our Perfect Pink Pool Concoction, I. was. not. impressed.

**The rest of this blog is now hypothetical. You can choose your own ending at the end of the post.**

Mr. Cush: "Ewwwwww."

Me: "We're going to another pool." 

You have two outcomes to now choose between ... either the ever-rationale Mr. Cush may or may not have convinced me to return home and waste the afternoon watching another marathon of The Big Bang Theory, or my signature (and patent pending) 'aura of b*tchiness' may or may not have kicked in and convinced Mr. Cush to immediately drive us to a nearby apartment complex, follow a resident into their gated community and crash the pool like a pair of teenagers.

Which ending would you choose?

The Kardashian family. Just like my own, but not quite. (July 28, 2013 episode)

This week's episode is a continuation of last week's ... if you need to catch up, feel free to check out the last recap here. If you don't want to read last week's recap, I can summarize by telling you the Kardashian/Jenner families are on vacation in Mykonos, Greece.

"Greece Him Up" 

8:02 - The show has finally begun. The first two minutes were spent recapping last week's episode and showing previews of tonight. 

8:03 - Kim is rubbing shea butter all over her pregnant body (all. over.) while Khloe watches. I, on the other hand, might be watching Cinemax instead of E!, but am too busy typing to find the remote and check the guide.

8:04 - Phew. I'm on the right channel because Brody calls Rob to see why he bailed on Greece and Rob doesn't answer. I've quit following this conversation because I'm trying to figure out why Khloe's hair is cornrowed. Bo Derek called ... she wants her look back.

8:05 - Kendall, Kylie and Bruce are apparently all back home in LA for some appearance (gotta pay the bills when you're Kris' kid ... age doesn't matter). I'm losing track of who has made it to Mykonos and who hasn't. I need to hire an assistant.

8:06 - Back in Greece, everyone is laughing at a large European man partaking in some nude sunbathing. Speaking of large, Khloe's having a difficult time fitting her derriere into a wetsuit. It's taking multiple people to assist. That was a seamless transition in editing, huh?

8:07 - Brandon just caught a small fish with his bare hands. I'm telling you - that Jenner DNA is money.

8:09 - Leah asks Kourtney if she's sad that Scott isn't in Greece yet ... on cue, it becomes time to rip on the Lord.

8:10 - Cut to Scott in London, who's booked a few appearance (insert something witty about paying bills even if you're Kris Jenner's grandchildrens' baby daddy).

8:11 - Kourtney receives text pictures of Scott in London leaving a club with girls. She expresses extreme disappointment in him yet again. Cut to commercial.

8:15 - Bruce, Kendall and Kylie finally arrive in Greece. They walk into their hotel villa to find Kris wearing a Liz Taylor-ish wig. She calls the wig style 'Grecian locks.' Nope, they're not. Liz Taylor called from the grave and wants her look back.

8:16 - Kim is scratching her mammary glands at the dinner table and explains to everyone that pregnancy causes skin to stretch and therefore itch. That'd be the weirdest thing occurring at dinner, but Kris walks in with her Liz Taylor/Grecian goddess wig and that takes the focus off Kim's pregnancy boobs.

8:17 - Kris and Brody have another altercation and Brody leaves dinner before dessert. Drama is coming up, but RSP (Ryan Seacrest Productions) has cut to another commercial and we'll have to wait.

8:21 - Kris is now wearing a turban because she's 'trying to be Grecian.' Whatever.

8:22 - Kris is lamenting to Kourtney that Brody is probably upset with her because she didn't invite him to Greece. Kourtney suggests Kris spend some extra time with Brody to get to know him better now that he's there. Kris decides to be the bigger person and will reach out to Brody. "I want him to be one of us." Something tells me Brody isn't exactly ready to swap last names yet.

8:23 - Leah and Brandon aren't feeling the Kardashian-style vacation and decide to skip upcoming yacht time. Kourtney finds a way to complain about Scott in this segment. (<- That could be a new drinking game ...)

8:24 - Kris announces they'll be making a NEW FAMILY MUSIC VIDEO while on the yacht. Now's a good time to insert a link to her first music video ... you're welcome .... 

8:25 - Poor Brody looks so out of place on the yacht. He's gonna need more alcohol to get through the afternoon without Brandon and Leah.

8:26 - Kim is tired and can't be found on deck. She's resting in a lavish bedroom below deck on the yacht. Kourtney tries to convince her she's missing a 'gorgina' (GORE-geye-nah) view. (<- I'm so excited to bring that word home to southern Illinois for Christmas!!!!)

8:27 - Cut to Brandon and Leah in the Mykonos market. Glad they're using the free Kardashian family vacation to make their own separate memories. Way to freeload, guys. 

8:28 - The truth about Kimye's baby not having a 'K' name ... Kim, Kanye and K-baby would've been KKK, per Kim. First mention of the name 'North,' and presumably why we now know it isn't spelled 'Knorth.'

8:29 - Kris is inexplicably wearing the wig again and talking about leaving her ego at the door ("door to what?" is what I'm asking myself). And now she's rubbing tanning oil on Brody's back ... and sort of dry humping him (I can't think of a more PG way to describe what I just saw ... sorry). Time for a much-needed commercial break.

8:33 - Everyone's getting on Sea-Doos (jet skis). Kris is wearing the wig ... I will laugh so hard if it flies off and sinks to the bottom of the Mediterranean where it belongs. 

8:35 - Kourtney and Khloe jump off the front of the yacht into the ocean. Well, at least Kourtney does. Khloe tricked her. Finally Khloe jumps in. Something about a YOLO Pact between the two of them ... seriously, it's jumping into the ocean from approximately 10 feet off the boat. I did more daring stunts off the high dive at the Mt. Carmel Municipal Pool as a 7-year-old.

8:36 - THE WIG FLEW OFF! But, they swung back and picked it up. Damn.

8:38 - Awkward dinner talk on the yacht. Kris teases Brody about being able to cuddle with her. Even I'm starting to feel uncomfortable for Brody. 

8:39 - Brody confesses to Brandon and Leah that Kris "oiled" him up. And Kris apparently was saying something about Brody's back being just like Bruce's back in the day while doing the oiling. AWKWARD! It's getting so disturbing that I have momentarily lost my ability to mock the situation. Good time for a commercial break to recollect myself.

8:42 - Bruce, Brandon and Brody are going "kite surfing." Evidently you hoist yourself into a wet suit, attach a kite to your chest and climb atop a surfboard while the wind in the kite sails pulls you around. Those Jenners .... such athletes.

8:44 - Kourtney and Kris are assessing the situation between Kris and Brody. Kris is getting really philosophical ... at this point, they might want to take advice from some 14-year-old girls on how to better resolve the friction between them.

8:46 - The boys are mocking Bruce for not building a putting green in his backyard because Kris wouldn't let him. Bruce is no dummy ... he knows that "a happy wife equals a happy life" and he walks away from the conversation when his sons start pressuring him to build the putting green. Commercial break is teased with a Brody confessional saying its time for him and Kris to have the talk they should've had many years ago.

8:51 - Nine minutes left, and Scott is finally leaving London to join the family in Greece. How awful must this family be if he's willing to WORK in London instead of join his baby momma on a free trip in paradise?

8:52 - The family is all on another boat ... basically a really large sailboat.

8:53 - Kris is whining again during her confessional about her lack of a relationship with Brody. This leads into the conversation between the two that's apparently been dozens of years in the making .... but, we're interrupted by a commercial break.

8:56 - We're back. Kris and Brody are finally 'talking.' Brody resents Kris' desire for such a lavish lifestyle. She tries to tell him that making him happy makes her genuinely happy. Brody's not buying what she's selling. Now she's upset that he thinks she has favored her own children instead of him and Brandon, too, and that she has shunned him from said 'lavish lifestyle.'

8:59 - Oh. Dear. God. It's to be continued again next week. I'm not sure I can handle doing this again for another episode, but at least I've got a week to recover.

High Five For Friday #H54F

It's Friday!!! For too many months each year, Friday doesn't mean much. However, I've been trying to take Fridays off from work this summer to make a dent in vacation time and I've come to savor these "Summer Fridays" (and the resulting three-day weekends).

(Disclaimer: Don't be too surprised when you read that 40 percent of my "high fives" are Royal Baby related!)

Link up your own #H54F at thelaurenelizabeth.com.

1. I woke up and became wide awake around 1:30 a.m. Monday morning for no apparent reason whatsoever. After a good 30 minutes of trying to fall back asleep, I finally gave in to the forces of insomnia and reached for the TV remote. To my delight, news was breaking that the Duchess of Cambridge was in the early stages of labor and had been taken to the hospital (the Lindo Wing, not to be confused with the Lido Deck of a cruise ship). I remained awake the rest of the night.  Obviously my Royal Baby senses had kicked into gear and made sure I knew "The Great Kate Wait" was coming to an end.

The best moment was around 8 a.m. when Mr. Cush awoke and I told him the Royal Baby was coming ... "It's been on its way since 2:30." Ooops, someone wasn't as silent and stealthy as she had thought ...

2.  My disappointment that the Royal Baby was a boy immediately subsided when I saw Kate and Will with him for the first time. (Yes, my heart was set on a princess.) Who didn't love the homage Kate paid to Princess Di in her blue, polka dot shift dress when she introduced the future King of England to the world? I think everyone melted at that moment. Will and Kate's efforts to keep Diana's memory alive are remarkable ... it seems like there's always a tie in somewhere, and that surely helps endear them to the fine folks in England.

P.S. - I noted that Prince George Alexander Louis had five fingers on each hand when he waved to the crowd ... must not be much of Anne Boleyn's DNA left in the royal lineage these days.

3. The Royal Baby excitement made me miss my niece, Violet, and nephew, Brady. According to everyone back home, Vi and Brady are both starting to show their personalities and I hate every second that I'm missing. Vi actually welcomed a baby sister into the world in May, but I haven't met Miss Emmie yet. For now, pictures of her have to suffice.

4. Good pizza, good company. Home Slice in Austin is never a bad decision.

5. Mr. Cush has been working on our patio in little increments when he can and it will hopefully be finished this weekend. We're looking forward to putting our furniture back in place and enjoying the late Texas evenings again on the patio. Long story short ... we couldn't agree on an outdoor rug, so we decided to stain and seal the cement. Then it rained for about seven straight unprecedented days and ruined our staining and sealing efforts. From now on, one of us needs to remember to check the weather forecast before embarking on any outdoor home projects.

The Time I Soaked My Feet in Listerine

Remember season four of Sex and the City when Aidan moved in with Carrie and she lamented the loss of her "secret single behavior?" Carrie liked eating stacks of Saltines with grape jelly while standing and reading fashion magazines in her kitchen. Miranda enjoyed putting Vaseline on her hands and wearing Borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials. Both women defined their "SSB's" as something they'd be embarrassed for their significant other to witness. For me, my SSB is almost anything I see on Pinterest and think is worth trying out.

So while Mr. Cush was out of town a few weeks ago and I had the house to myself, I tried out a few pins that promised to exfoliate my face (aspirin mask - it works), make my hair shine like Angelina's (coconut oil conditioner - it works) and cure summer feet. That's how I ended up sitting on the couch watching Friends reruns on Nick at Nite while soaking my feet in a mixture of Listerine/white vinegar/hot water.

Pictorial evidence of the feet soaking. In hindsight, I'm probably just as disturbed by this incident as you are reading about it.

The various pinners said to mix three parts hot water with one part Listerine and one part white vinegar. That part was easy and self explanatory. The pinners also differed in soaking times, suggesting anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Since my feet wouldn't both fit in the pot I was using, I soaked for about 40 minutes while altering the positioning of my heels/balls of my feet.

People - learn from me and don't ever try this. It's just a really bad idea. My feet turned a pale shade of blue (for almost TWO days) and Riley (my puppy) chased me around like I had ribeyes strapped to my Achilles. And after enduring all of this, MY FEET WERE NOT ANY SOFTER THAN BEFORE!!!

Questions you might have for me after reading this ...

Q) Did you throw away the pot?

A) Is pink my favorite color? Hell yes. There isn't enough Cascade in the world to wash away the grossness of soaking my feet in a pan that might someday be used to cook my food.

Q) Did you really think this would work?

A) I honestly did, mostly from the amount of repins and knockoff pins on the subject. I visited a few blogs and it seemed to make a difference for some folks.

Q) How did you get the blue off your feet?

A) Lots of scrubbing and time. It was like a hangover - just had to wait it out (and cover up with socks).

Q) Aren't you embarrassed that Mr. Cush is going to find out your SSB?

A) We've been together a decade. He'd probably be shocked if he found this online and thought I hadn't already tried it. (And he "cheese grates" his feet in my presence ... there's not much left to discover about each other after 10 years.)

If you have suggestions for pins you've successfully tested and recommend, please leave them in the comments (hopefully none of them involve direct Listerine to skin contact) ...

Confessions of a (Un)Domestic Goddess

Something happened to me about a month ago. Mr. Cush left me home alone while he visited Illinois for a few days and after he was gone for approximately 36 hours, I was bit by the cleaning bug. 

This 'bug' only bites once, maybe twice a year. I'm selfish enough to blame the lack of bites on Mr. Cush because he spoils me rotten and takes care of the house - and me. When I'm away on work trips, he'll go on 'tornado cleanings' (<- his words, not mine) because I'm out of the way. Bless his heart … he tries to clean up after me and help organize my belongings, but I'm a creature that lives in a state of 'organized chaos' (<- my words, not his) and somehow in my mess, I still manage to know where everything is located. It's when he 'cleans' something and I can't find what I'm looking for that our fights most often ensue. (We won't get into the epic Purse Cleaning and Organizing of 2009 that almost tore us apart … its still too soon to rehash those feelings.)

But I have to admit that my mess had gotten out of control as of lately. It's shameful when I forget I already own something and re-purchase it, only for Mr. Cush to point out that whatever item is a duplicate when I bring it home and leave it on the kitchen table for two weeks before putting it away.

Over the past few weekends, I've been motivated to get myself together. My job takes on a life of its own in a few more weeks and stays that way until June, so I'm hoping that if I can get my home life organized by the end of this month, I'll be less stressed out when work escalates.

Anyway, back to the bug bite. After slaving away in the kitchen for a few hours on the night I was bitten, I've noticed that I've been very inclined to keep the kitchen sparkly. Rarely a night goes by that the counters haven't been Clorox-ed down and the dishes are rinsed off and put in the dishwasher instead of waiting until the next day. That inclination soon spread to our master bathroom, and I've done a remarkable job of putting my makeup/hair products away after use each morning instead of allowing them to clutter every visible inch of counter space. This past weekend, I even had Mr. Cush take down all of the light fixtures in our kitchen and bathroom so I could soak them in a hot water/Dawn/white vinegar mixture to clean off the grime that was beginning to accumulate.

Ideally, I should start making myself spend 15-20 minutes a day working on a different room of the house to maintain where we're at … bedroom on Monday, bathroom on Tuesday, living room on Wednesday, etc. Mr. Cush would think he'd died and gone to heaven if I could keep the house under control and he could focus his energy on the yard/patio/garage areas. 

What are your secrets? Anyone have a great tip or two to share about transforming my undomestic ways?

Move Over Essie and OPI

Not all nail polishes are created equal ... that basic fact needs to be stated right now. Sure, colors can be similar (if you ask Mr. Cush, I have approximately 348 bottles of "the exact same color"), but color payoff, opacity and formula can make a huge difference in your mani.

To appease Mr. Cush, I've been avoiding nail polish purchases most of this year. He's probably right when he says I have enough to last the rest of my life, but I can't admit that he's right to his face (it's safer to say it on a blog, obviously).

Unfortunately for Mr. Cush, all good things must come to an end. While at Walgreens picking up some sunscreen this weekend, I finally caved and bought a new L'oreal nail polish. These babies have been getting really great reviews from my favorite beauty bloggers, and between the $1 off coupon that made it only $4 and the name 'Hella Pink,' well, there was no way I was leaving the store without it.

I probably haven't purchased a L'oreal nail polish since high school when I became an OPI and Essie elitist. But the times, they are a changin'. OPI and Essie need to be on high alert because the drugstore has caught up with them.

Color payoff and and consistency are great with this product. Two coats and we've reached a beautiful oasis of pink on my nail beds. There was no streaking and the formula is quite smooth and easy to apply.

But here's the biggest difference and the reason all nail polish addicts out there need to run immediately to your neighborhood drugstore ... the brush is genius!!!

Top (L to R): Essie Camera, L'oreal Hella Pink, OPI Suzi's Hungary Again.

Bottom (L to R): OPI's straight brush, L'oreal's curved brush.

Look at your cuticles right now. They're curved, slightly U-shaped. Why has no one thought of 'curving' the brush before to match the shape of our cuticles? Our nails are not walls with 90-degree corners. There is no reason to use miniature paint brushes on our nails. 

All in all, you must try these L'oreal polishes when you make time for your next mani, especially if you're polishing your nails yourself without the help of a nail tech.

PS - looking for a cute-sy way to store your polish collection? Run to Michael's and pick up an apothecary jar! No more need to keep your prettiest shades hidden away in a medicine cabinet!

The Kardashian family. Just like my own, but not quite. (July 21, 2013 episode)

Much to the disillusion of Mr. Cush, the blog audience enjoyed my play-by-play of last week's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I'd be a terrible blogger if I didn't oblige my audience, so without further adieu, here's your recap of Sunday's most recent episode …

(Also, I should tell you right now that Mr. Cush and I have been at the pool for a few hours tonight and this entire recap is being written under the influence of the "Perfect Pink Pool Concoction.")

"Greece is the Word" 

Note to self: B & C (my sisters) have yet again ruined my life. If either of them would've shot to meteoric fame via a sex tape, I could've been on a yacht in Greece this summer for vacation. Damn them. They've been collectively screwing up my life since 1985.

8:01 - Scott is surprising his baby mama, Kourtney, for her birthday with a family dinner. My cat could've done the same. I'm gonna need a better storyline if I'm going to play-by-play this entire hour for everyone.

8:02 - Ping pong is back. I'm sick of ping pong. I'm watching this because it's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, not China's Government Propaganda.

8:03 - Kim announces she is retiring heels due to pregnancy, but she "doesn't feel uncomfortable yet." Oh, God … Kim and Kourtney are talking about their nether regions … I just turned beet red thinking about the same conversation with one of my sisters.

8:04 - Kris announces the family is going to Greece on a presumably free family vacation. Not surprising is that everyone agrees and they break into chants of 'toga, toga, toga.' I'm having flashbacks to my sorority days.

8:05 - Rob receives word about the family vacation and shares it with Brody. Brody is jealous that he didn't receive the same Evite. For a guy that dated Lauren Conrad, he has some real issues.

8:06 - Rob isn't going on the family vacay unless Brody goes. Bromance between the stepbrothers is in full effect.

8:08 - Kris says Brody always flakes out on invites (presumably to everywhere else but Greece?). Bruce and Kris are fighting in Kris' walk-in closet that's the size of my house. "Greece is the perfect place to talk to him," Bruce says. Guess what, Kris? Greece is also the perfect place to talk to ME.

8:09 - No. Kourtney and Kim should NOT be talking to each other about being, um, 'frisky,' during pregnancy. This is not normal.

8:10 - Kim is bemoaning her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries. (Note to self: NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WITH THE SAME NAME AS YOUR MOTHER!!!!)

8:12 - Scott proposes dinner to Kourtney for her birthday. I feel like she should see through this, but she seems to be playing dumb unintentionally. 

8:14 - Kim is showing some belly through a sheer camisole. She obviously thinks she's Nicole Richie.

8:15 - Ugh. More divorce talk. Kim is both celebrating and lamenting the demise of her marriage. Just end it, please. We're all sick of hearing about it at this point. It was obviously a made-for-television special. 

8:16 - Bruce is cleaning up the family pool area. Kris announces she found a flight for Bruce's son, Brody, but he has to go to Greece before everyone else. Yeah … no favorites …

8:17 - Stupid divorce drama between Kim and Kris H. I don't even want to acknowledge this storyline.

8:21 - There's a large elephant statue in Khloe's home that Kris is admiring. I'm not of the right state of mind to understand why.

8:23 - Divorce drama. Not acknowledging it.

8:24 - Kim's officially divorced from Kris Humphries. Please, God … tell me this is never coming up again.

8:25 - We're at Kourtney's surprise birthday party. Kim announces she's officially divorced from Kris H. I'm uncertain regarding the reason for the celebrations …

8:26 - Kourtney and Scott are still at their home. I'm not sure about you, but if I was a guest at this 'surprise party,' I'd be past the point of annoyed right now.

8:27 - Pretttttttttty sure Kendall Jenner just took a shot of something. She's not 21.

8:28 - Everyone is complaining that Kourtney and Scott are late to the surprise birthday party at Nobu. If this doesn't have "Bishop Family Party" written all over it, I don't know what does.

8:30 - Oh, good. Kourtney finally shows up to her surprise party and fakes shock. I'm trying to eat dinner … I'm unclear again as to what's going on right now.

8:33 - Everyone starts packing for Mykonos. Finally. That only took 33 minutes.

8:34 - Everyone's in London doing some duty free shopping between flights and Kris mentions something about not wearing underwear. I'm so grossed out … that piece of frozen pizza is coming back up.

8:35 - Kris finds out Rob's 'sock line' is 'booming' and he can't join his family in Greece.

8:39 - Rob is having a heart-to-heart with his brother-in-law, Lamar - he evidently skipped going to Greece because he is ashamed of the weight he has gained. Dude - buy a self-help book and get over it like everyone else in America.

8:40 - Newfound appreciation for Lamar Odom and his truthfulness with Rob … he is the Mr. Cush to my Baby Brother.

8:41 - The Kardashian/Jenner family has arrived in Greece. Again, I'm experiencing major resentment for my sisters and their lack of sex tape productions.

8:43 - "This is like a dream house. I'm so lucky to be here." B & C, we're going to have words at Christmas. This should have been us!!!

8:44 - Something about Kris never really inviting Brody on the trip, yet he's already there? I should've paid more attention while inhaling my half of the frozen pizza.

8:45 - Brandon and Brody, Bruce's sons, are evaluating Bruce's relationship with Kris. They don't seem pleased with what they know. 

8:49 - Womp, womp. The ocean water in Greece is 'too cold' and the Jenners are complaining about it. Pssssshhhh - they shouldn't even be there in the first place.

8:50 - Brody is upset that Rob has not come to Greece. "Rob definitely gave his word, and he's not here." Does anyone have a tiny violin we can loan Brody?

8:51 - Khloe is excited that the mayor of Mykonos is onsite to greet the Kardashians upon arrival. At least she has some social skills. My faith in this family is not yet completely lost.

8:52 - Khloe and Brody are mocking Rob for not joining the family in Greece. Seriously, this is the easiest situation ever to handle … all you need to do is ship the kid a self help book from Amazon.com.

8:53 - Brody is whining about not being properly invited by Kris to join the family vacation. You know what, Brody? It's not Kris' fault your last name isn't Kardashian. This isn't 1970-something … the Jenner name ain't what it used to be. Your brother is obviously at fault for not creating a sex tape that promoted the Jenner name.

8:57 - Khloe is afraid of both whales and belly buttons. Seems like rational fears, I suppose.

8:58 - Hmmmmmmm, the source of contention between Kris and Brody is suddenly figured out … he hasn't been receiving her texts and phone calls. Perhaps she has the wrong cell number for him? I would've guessed this could have been figured out back in LA at some point, but like Bruce said 50 minutes ago, "Greece is the perfect place to talk ..."

8:59 - Kris is concerned about the rest of her vacation while Brody is present. We need a new word for awkward.

Preview for next week's 'To be continued' episode - the Kris and Brody saga appears to continue. Great. If I cared about Brody Jenner, I'd be watching a marathon of The Hills instead of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

High Five for Friday #H54F

Lauren at thelaurenelizabeth.com started a weekly linkup called High Five for Friday a while back and uses it to recap the highlights of her week with five images/occurrences. In true blog fashion of borrowing ideas, I bring you my first High Five for Friday ...

1. One of my best friends is an avid postcard sender. He travels frequently for his job, and equally as much in his personal time. Since he moved away from Austin last summer, he began including me on his postcard distribution list and a small collage has built up in my office. The messages always incite a literal LOL and the collage itself is starting to take up some remarkable real estate on my bulletin board.

2. New shoes! These summer beauties are by the delightful Sam Edelman and the perfect excuse for a pedicure. Most people outside of Austin probably wouldn't immediately snag these 'Gracies' in the burnt orange shade like I did, but something tells me they're going to get plenty of wear on my feet.

3. This is my fur baby Riley. She is a rescue dog from Pawsitive Karma (<- see what they did there?) and will turn two next month. I'll write up a more detailed post about her in the future, but it was high time she made her debut on Pink, Blonde, Texas.

4. Have mercy. This is set to happen tonight on Jimmy Fallon. If anyone else out there also has a wine-fueled singalong to 'Forever,' we might be destined to be BFFs.

5. A work dinner took me to the Vince Young Steakhouse in downtown Austin for the first time. Hands down the best meal I've had in a really long time (or a sign I should get out more), and I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't visited!